Signs of Resurrection

I've been slowly crawling back to normal after round 3 of chemo March 11, and am feeling more or less civilized these days. Mornings are fine, afternoons are okay, but I start to flag by late afternoon/early evening. Nonetheless, this is much better than last week, and I intend to enjoy the coming week, given that round 4--my final chemotherapy--is scheduled for April 1.

Since chemo started I've been taking Lorazepam at night, both to control nausea and to aid in sleep. My acupuncturist suggested that I try to wean myself from it, because patients tend to become dependent on it to sleep. I checked with the U.S.S. Northwestern, and they concurred that it would be okay to get off the drug. They said not to nap more than half an hour during the day, in order to sleep better at night. Last week I cut back to half a tab at night, and then for the last couple of nights I've been Lorazepam-free, but waking up every couple of hours, and sleeping restlessly. My body will probably adjust in a few days, but meanwhile, I'm sure the restless sleep is contributing to flagging evenings.

I need to keep reminding myself that this, too, shall pass--the last round of chemo took a bite out of my spirits as well as my energy level, and served up a heavy portion of grief and sorrow. The lack of sleep is probably aggravating these feelings. In self-defense I have been making travel plans for a week in Mexico in May, a week in the Pacific Northwest in late July, and a trip to Ireland and Greece in late August-September. I have found this to be an effective antidote, as is every ray of sunshine that manages to make it through this largely overcast early spring.

I was supposed to start a pulmonary rehab program April 4, but yesterday I received a call from the Rehab Institute of Chicago to the effect that my insurance won't cover $200/session for 16 sessions of physical therapy, so I'm now in negotiations to resolve that dilemma. I'm trying to talk my way into the classes, which are free, in hopes that I can just do the PT at home. The therapist seemed to indicate yesterday that this was a reasonable solution, and she's supposed to phone today to discuss the matter further.

My friend Ryan, the certified nurse healer, is back from a two-month tour of the American Southwest and Mexico, so I will resume treatment sessions with her tomorrow afternoon. I find these sessions tremendously restorative and am looking forward to them.

On an Easter Sunday walk through the neighborhood with Patty and Dave, we saw a yard full of crocuses just started to poke their little green heads through the detritus of winter. I am hanging on to this vision with all my might, and hope that you, too, are noticing signs of resurrection.