Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Back Porch Anyone?

(from Mark McKelvey)
If you read nothing else of this – go to paragraph four below re: a get together today, Wednesday, July 9th.

Hi everyone - Kate and Francine, I just got your phone messages and send our love to everyone with a broken heart. When I left last PM I didn't know what to hope but did focus on a good passage and I'm sure Val got that. There was certainly a wonderful crowd of friends gathered to say good-bye! Thank you Kate, again, for making sure we were all properly lit. Valjean would have particularly appreciated that thoughtful touch as those bright lights can be so unforgiving.
I'm so glad Judith was there at the end. Could one of you forward this to her as I don’t believe she is on this email?

I know that acceptance comes after the anger and we'll all get to that but for now Edna St. Vincent Millay sums it up pretty well -
"Gently they go, the beautiful,
the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent,
the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve
and I am not resigned."

I also know that everyone's exhausted and needing their quiet - and that we'll all gather later to celebrate our dear friend.

But - like Val I’m Irish and I feel a strong need to share time today in celebrating Val and having a good cry. If anyone's interested in joining in (please come!) I’ll be sitting on her back porch/stairs as of about 5PM today. I just talked to Kate and she’ll be there. Val’s back porch is the closest I can think to get to her – wanted to go to the hospice this AM but you’re all gone and the bed’s empty and I can’t bear that thought. I know Val will be with us looking out over the back yard so I’ll be there around 5/5:30PM and will bring some drinks and a cooler. We can get a pizza, if we want, from Leona’s and I may even bring some Irish tunes. Bring a Kleenex and your favorite stories. God knows Valjean helped create enough of them! Francine – Giudi – Kate and Mary – could someone please bring the swimming-with-the-dolphins photo? That’s a must.

Valjean and I sat on her porch when we lost our dear friend David 14 years ago next month. We sat in the sun and had a good cry. We'd celebrated David's birthday in early August and then he and Mike went to Traverse City to see David's family and David took ill and died there. Val, Betsy and I'd talked about going up to see him but it was too late. After we got the call from Mike I went to Val's and we sat on her back porch and had a wonderful pity party. She and I'd sort of set up a network of care for David and Mike, though nowhere near as sophisticated as the one set up this year for Val! Betsy and I were going to California the next day and thought about canceling and going with Val to the Traverse City funeral but she said David would say "go - go - go" re: our long-planned trip, and we did. Val promised to remember and share every detail of the Trav City trip and didn’t fail us. When we called from the west coast after she came back one of the first things she said was that "the comfort food was really good"!! I thought of that last PM when Francine or someone brought in the pecan sandies. The comfort food was really good!

Hope to see you later today.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is Clare from Zen Center in Champaign. Thank you for keeping us informed re: Valjean. I think I have Valjean's address at home.I may get there this evening.

Anonymous said...

Dear Good friends of Valjean,

I am a fellow buddhist practitioner from Ancient Dragon Zen Gate and am very saddened by Valjean's passing. I am also grateful to have crossed paths with her warm, humorous and energetic person. Please keep information out about any services and next week our Sangha (ancientdragon.org) plans to conduct a memorial service for her as part of our regular meeting. Thank you very much for this blog and my heart's warnth extends to you during this sad time.

metta, hogetsu laurie belzer
lbelzer@uic.edu

elpaseo.communitygarden@gmail.com said...

wow, what a group of incredible people surrounded VJ...drawn to her or attracted to her or snagged as passing by...
I missed a call from Patty Rooney last night and so found out this morning and had a great phone conversation with Patty later.
I won't be coming this evening, I'm at work today and I want to go home and sit quietly with my sadness.
Although I'm tempted. I know VJ can now be in two places at once so she'll be with you guys and me.
I still can't believe she's really gone - but only in body.
love Sallie

Anonymous said...

Hello, all. I will attend to pay my last respects to Valjean on Saturday, August 16. So sorry to miss the Aug. 13 response date. Peggy Lynch