Letting Go

Tuesday morning I received a call from hospice that there had been a significant change in Valjean's condition. When I arrived, around 10 am, she was in the state in which she has remained for the past 14 hours or more: unresponsive, taking difficult breaths at long intervals -- about 10 seconds apart by the time I left, around midnight. Many of her close friends gathered around and spoke lovingly to her; some read or sang or prayed. We recalled for her the good times we had enjoyed together -- and they were legion! Could she really have taken so many trips, with so many of us? When did she work?

The nurses say she could hear us, and I hope they're right. We assured her it was OK to go, that everything was taken care of and that we would be alright. But her body continues, working every muscle in her chest, back, and shoulders to take those labored breaths. I hope this is a short night.